Broken Dawn
by Twistedloveaffair69
Summary: Because even though he hasn't seen her in two years, he's already falling back into the pattern of Jake&Bells. The one where he gives and gives and she takes…until there's nothing left offering nothing in return.
1. Chapter 1:Can you Save me?

**Broken Dawn**

 **Summary: Because even though he hasn't seen her in two years, he's already falling back into the pattern of Jake &Bells. The one where he gives and gives and she takes…until there's nothing left offering nothing in return**

 **Chapter one: Can you save me?**

 _"Are you well?" "No," I tell him, voice hoarse. "I am not well. I am broken inside. I am broken almost all-the-way deep, and I don't know...I don't know if I can ever be unbroken, let alone well again"."_  
 _― Carrie Jones, Entice_

* * *

She knocked on the door to his apartment, soaking wet from the storm. He doesn't know how she found out where he lives.

 _(He hasn't talked to her in almost two years. Not since the battle with the newborns.)_

She's wearing a purple dress, which once probably cost more than his car, and silver heels that hurt to look at much less walk in.

There's no ring on her finger.

"Please," she pleads, her eyes begging him to do something.

 _(To save her)_

"Okay," he says and moves aside to let her in.

 _(Because even though he hasn't seen her in two years, he's already falling back into the pattern of Jake &Bells. The one where he gives and gives and she takes…until there's nothing left offering nothing in return.)_

Only once she's inside does he notice the patches of blue and purple bruises that covered her arms and shoulders, on her much too thin - ** _sickly looking_** -body, and the dark purple bags under her eyes.

This is what marriage had done to her.

 _(Because that's what leeches do; they suck and suck until there's nothing left but a hollow shell.)_

He fixes her food that she barely touches and gives her a glass of water which she guzzles down like she's spent months in the dessert. He hands her another glass and another, then he sits across from her, and waits until she swallowed the last drop to ask her a question.

There are many he wants to ask:

 _Why are you here?_

 _How did you find me?_

 _Where are the Cullens?_

 _What happened to you?_

 _Did you change your mind?_

 ** _Am I finally enough?_**

"Are you okay?" is what he finally settles for.

She looks at him with tired brown eyes that look as if they've seen too much and yet still radiate a childlike innocence like they haven't seen enough.

"Not really," she mumbles, placing her hand over her stomach.

"Okay," he says and doesn't press for answers like he knows he probably should.

 _(Not when she looks like she might shatter into pieces at the slightest touch.)_

He coaxes her to eat a few more bites then goes to set up the couch with sheets and a pillow.

Of course he offers her the bed.

 _(Because all he knows how to do is give and she's always been the best at taking.)_

* * *

 ** _Author's note: Please review and let me know what you think._**

 ** _It would really mean a lot to me._**


	2. Chapter 2: Can you stop the screaming?

**Broken Dawn**

 **Summary: Because even though he hasn't seen her in two years, he's already falling back into the pattern of Jake &Bells. The one where he gives and gives and she takes…until there's nothing left offering nothing in return**

 _ **Chapter 2: Can you stop the screaming?**_

I scream for everything that has gone wrong. I scream for everything broken in our lives."

 _― Marie Lu, Champion_

* * *

He wakes to her screaming.

She sounded like she was dying. Like someone was killing her.

He leaps over the couch and rushes into his bedroom to find her curled into the fetal position with her arms wrapped around her stomach, and tears streaming down her face, as her screams faded into whimpers, then to quiet sobs.

"Gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He-" she repeats those words over and over.

He has a flashback to the night Sam found her in the woods.

He places a hand on her shoulder and tries to ignore the way she trembles beneath his fingers as he wakes her.

"It was just a dream," he says and she shakes her head.

"Not a dream," she mutters. "It was a memory,"

He wonders what she's remembering.

 _(And then decides that he doesn't want to know.)_

"It's going to be okay, honey," he says and she rolls over to look at him.

"Promise?" she asks, her voice taking on a child-like quality and he can't speak for a minute.

His shirt, too large for her thin frame, rides up and he sees the stretch marks and the surgical scars on her stomach.

His throat aches, and so does something else, somewhere deep inside.

This isn't something that he can fix with smiles and warm soda.

This isn't a bad break up and he's not as optimist as he was at sixteen.

 _(He doesn't think anything will ever be okay for either of them ever again.)_

But all the same, he can't help the way the back of his eyes ache, all because it's _her._

She is asking for _him_ to make it better.

She _needs_ him right now.

 _She_ came to _him_ because she's hurt and vulnerable and broken.

 _(and **Alone** , but he choses to pretend that he's her first choice of who to run to when she's in need.)_

"I promise," he says

 _(Because he's always been good at lying to himself and she's always been great at believing the lies people tell her.)_

"I'm sorry." she says.

"For what?" he asks.

She's quiet for a long moment and he wonders if she's fallen asleep.

"For everything," she whispers.

Everything.

Does she mean she's sorry for waking him up?

 _Everything._

Does she mean she's sorry for coming back into his life; twice as broken as when she came to him before?

 **Everything.**

Does she mean she's sorry for marrying Edward instead of him?

 _ **Everything.**_

Maybe she's sorry for using him until something better comes along?

 _ **Everything.**_

 _(Is she really sorry for **anything?)**_

He feels guilty for the brief flash of anger he feels.

"There's nothing to forgive," he lies and she gets a crest-fallen look on her face.

"No," she says quietly, "There's nothing I can do to be forgiven,"

He doesn't know what to say to that; so he says nothing.

 _(He's learned that some things are better left unsaid.)_

The screaming became a normal part of there nightly routine.

Every night, she dreamed, remembered, and Every night, he ran to her and tried to provide whatever comfort he could.

 _(It wasn't enough. Nothing was ever enough when it came to her,)_

"You don't have to do this alone," he's says one night. "You could talk to me, you know. You can tell me what's wrong."

 _(Even though he had kind of already knew. But a part of him just want to hear her say it,)_

She shakes her head.

"Everything's wrong." she states, then pauses and glances at him. "Well, almost everything,"

He forces a smile.

 _(For some reason, being the only thing right in someone's life **, when everything else is wrong,** doesn't make him feel special. it just makes his heartache.)_

* * *

 **Author's Note: Please Review and let me know what you think?**

 **Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3: Can You Fill The Emptiness?

**Broken Dawn**

 **Summary: Because even though he hasn't seen her in two years, he's already falling back into the pattern of Jake &Bells. The one where he gives and gives and she takes…until there's nothing left; offering nothing in return**

 **Chapter Three: Can You Fill The Emptiness?**

 _"I said nothing for a time, just ran my fingertips along the edge of the human-shaped emptiness that had been left inside me."  
― Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman _

* * *

Sometimes he feels like they're a married couple.

He goes to work and she stays home and cooks.

 _(Food that she barely touches as she grows thinner and thinner each day)_

She always greets him with a smile when he comes home.

 _(A fake smile that makes his heart bleed like she stabbed him in the chest)_

He gives her a hug and kisses her cheek as a greeting.

 _(He pretends he doesn't feel the way she flinches whenever he touches her)_

He takes her out some times, to restaurants or to buy movies and holds her hand as he leads her places.

Anyone from the outside looking in would have thought that they were in love and happy.

 _(They don't know that the only reason he's holding her hand is because he's afraid if he lets her go she'll fade away.)_

It's kind of sickening; really, how well together they fit, as easy as breathing.

 _(But the air is venomous and suffocating and, honestly, he's not sure he can stand it another minute.)_

She isn't eating.

She makes him meals and picks at her food while he watches. She gets skinnier with each passing day and soon she can't even walk by herself anymore and he has to carry her to and from the bathroom.

"You have to eat, Bells," he says.

She shakes her head and refuses to meet his eyes.

"I'm fine," she lies.

He asks.

He begs.

He yells.

"I'm fine," she keeps repeating.

He threatens to take her to the hospital and she spits at him.

The days pass and he grows more and more concerned.

He sighs, as he stares at her untouched dinner.

"This isn't working."

She stiffens up immediately.

"I said I was fine," she whispers. "And I am."

She doesn't even try to get out of bed anymore.

 _(He knows any day now he'll walk into his room and find a really skinny corpse and the thought makes him laugh so hard that he can't stop crying.)_

He brings her soup.

She stares at him with sad, tired, brown eyes and shakes her head.

"Fine," He puts the bowl down on the nightstand, wraps an arm around her, pins her arms to her sides.

"Eat," he orders and grabs the bowl with his free hand.

She squirms, but after days of not eating she doesn't have the strength to fight. She keeps his mouth stubbornly closed, though.

He pinches her nose and waits.

Twelve seconds, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…..at twenty, her mouth flies open in a gasp. He's there with the bowl at once, tilting it so a mouthful spills over the rim and into her mouth. A little of it spills down her jaw and throat, staining his bed and her shirt and she gags, gulps, gasps and swallows. Her eyes brim with tears, her nails dig into his side and he wants to cry.

 _(This isn't how he imagined it. This isn't what he wanted.)_

But he repeats the process, over and over, ignoring her pleas and her tears. He doesn't give in, doesn't stop, until the bowl is empty and she's leaning against his side panting.

"You're not going to kill yourself in my home," He says.

She flinches, tears flowing faster.

"I didn't want to die," she whispers, her body shivering and shuddering next to him.

"Then what were you trying to do?" he asks and she doesn't answer.

He leaves her alone after that.

 _(But she never misses a meal after that)_

* * *

They fall back into their friendship almost like it never ended.

He takes her to the shop and she sits on a crate while he fixes cars, watching him work, occasionally handing him tools or reading a book.

He talks, babbling mindlessly about everything and nothing.

 _(He barely knows the difference anymore)_

He tosses her a soda, one that's cold from the vending machine, and Bella gives him a small smile.

 _(They never reach her eyes anymore and make him want to cry whenever he sees her force one.)_

Sometimes she'll get this distant look in her eye and she'll stare straight through him, like he's not there, her hands gently cradling her stomach.

 _(It_ _gnaws through tendon and bone until his chest is open and leaves a hollow, empty space in his gut.)_

He calls her name and she stares at him; not really seeing him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks and she shakes her head.

She pats him on the chest and tries to pass of a grimace as a smile.

"I'm fine," she says and, when she's gone, he presses his hand to his chest, where her hand had been, and expects to see red.

He stops asking questions, lets her have those moments, and goes to take a smoke break.

 _(He doesn't smoke but sometimes he needs an excuse to be away from her and her brokenness.)_

"How about I teach you how to fix a car?" he suggests, pulling her out of her trance.

 _(Anything to keep that sad, isolated look of her face)_

Pretty soon it's _him_ who's handing _her_ tools and leaning around, watching her work. He talks her though rebuilding the engine and buys her car manuals to read on the ride home. He watches her take apart engines, watches her remove the ridges and oil pans, the valve heads and the pistons and rod assemblies, watches her inspect the crankshaft, the balancer shaft, the auxiliary drives, and he watches as slowly she starts to develop a talent.

 _(He wonders, if when she came to him to fix the bikes, what would have happened if he taught her to fix them herself)_

She throws a smile his way.

 _(Fake and painful)_

He gives her a grin and goes to take a smoke break.

* * *

 **Author's note: Please Review and let me know what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4:Would it be wrong to love you?

**Broken Dawn**

 **Summary: Because even though he hasn't seen her in two years, he's already falling back into the pattern of Jake &Bells. The one where he gives and gives and she takes…until there's nothing left; offering nothing in return**

 **Chapter Four: Would it be wrong to love you?**

 _"We should love, not fall in love, because everything that falls, gets broken."_  
 _― Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift_

* * *

Charlie calls.

He and Charlie have always been close. Charlie is like another father to him and he knows that Charlie sees him as the son he never had.

 _(In another life, he could have been Charlie's son-in-law but he tries not to think about that too much)_

He talks to Charlie about work and listens to his gossip about the happening of Forks, Washington.

"Tells Sue I said 'Hi'," He says and hangs up.

It's only after he walks in the living room and sees Bella sitting Indian-style on the couch watching a rerun of ICarly, that he realizes that he hadn't mentioned Bella to Charlie once.

Charlie didn't even know his daughter was living with him.

Bella turns to look at him with those haunted brown eyes and he gives her a fake smile bore going to take a shower.

 _(Even though she's a broken mess, part of him **, selfishly,** wants to keep the pieces to himself.)_

….

They are sitting on his couch and are laughing at something someone on TV has said.

 _(Laughter that's sound so forced that it sounds like nails on a chalkboard to him)_

After the laughter subsides, he sighs, "I love you, Bells."

 _(Because he does; even if she is a walking mess of shattered glass that cuts and bleeds with every move she makes.)_

She tenses and he waits.

She's not ready. He knows she's not ready.

She'll probably never be ready to love him.

Not when she still goes pale as a sheet whenever Cullen's name is mentioned. Not when she still cries at night and absentmindedly cradles her stomach.

 _(There's too much tainting everything between them and the air is still too suffocating him as he huffs in poison with every breath.)_

His hand is over hers and his eyes gentle, "I know, Bells. I know. You don't have to say it if you don't want to. I know."

 _(He knows he'll never be enough for her.)_

She breathes deeply, a weight off her chest, which settles on his shoulders, and then tears fill her eyes.

He gathers her in his arms and lets her bury her head in his chest.

"I don't deserve you," she sobs.

He says nothing.

 _(Because even though she doesn't deserve him, she'll never let him go.)_

Instead, he shakes his head, presses a kiss to her shoulder, and stands up.

"I'm tired," he says and she looks up at him confused before realizing that she's still sitting on his couch.

"Right," she says and he holds out his hand to help her up.

Before she goes to bed, he brushes back the hair on her face.

"You know, you'll have to tell me eventually," he says and she closes her eyes.

"Could you say it again?" she asks and he raises an eyebrow. "What you said before..."

"I love you," he repeats, and presses a kiss on forehead. "Now goodnight,"

"Good night," she says and pauses. "I am happy. To be here...with you. I don't think I should be allowed to be happy."

"Why?" he questions, because she hasn't looked happy.

 _(He can't even remember the last time he saw her smile a real smile.)_

"Because you don't know what I've done and I don't know if you'll still love me once I tell you," she says and, before he can respond, she goes to his room and closes the door.

* * *

 **Author's NOTE: Please REVIEW**


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